The Thing About Advice

Objective or Subjective

Look, I am no expert. I share what I have learned and experienced. Some people will resonate and others may not. Often people give their advice based on experience. “If he isn’t with you now he will never be.” “Oh I met her she was a bitch, you wont like her either.” “You do not know better because you have not had better.” These are all biased comments and concerns which are not helpful when it comes to actually making choices. If someone gives you an opinion about someone you have never met you now have a perception of them prior to even meeting. You are left with “She’s a bitch” so now you think everything this person does is bitchy.

What does subjective mean?

Generally speaking, subjective is used to describe something that exists in the mind of a person or that pertains to viewpoints of an individual person.

Sometimes, subjective means about the same thing as personal. Everyone’s experience of an event is subjective, because each person’s circumstances and background are unique, leading to different interpretations.

“You do not know better because you have not had better.” I find so many things wrong with someone’s subjective opinion because there is nothing constructive about it. One thought I have is people think I pick low class men. Yes, on some occasions I have. I have also picked men who adore me, and would travel far to see me just to make me happy. I have had a wide variety so for people to say that, what does it say about me? What do they know that I don’t know about myself? Nothing, the answer is nothing because I am the only one here dating them. Also my qualities of a man might not look like everyones elses. I am the only one who views what happens. Yes, they have not all been perfect. Yes, I am still single. That has nothing to do with all that I am learning so I can learn to choose better partners. Working on myself so when I am ready I will be able to make better choices.

So whats objective?

Objective most commonly means not influenced by an individual’s personal viewpoint — unbiased (or at least attempting to be unbiased). It’s often used to describe things like observations, decisions, or reports that are based on an unbiased analysis.

Something that’s truly objective has nothing to do with a person’s own feelings or views — it just deals with facts. When someone says “Objectively speaking,” they’re indicating that they’re going to give an unbiased assessment — not one based on their personal preferences.

Objective advice I find is better than giving someone your subjective opinion. I think listening to hear instead of responding is the number one rule. Sometimes people need to vent and they are truly not looking for your advice. When I am offered the opportunity to give advice I begin with telling a story. I think this helps connect their problem to another situation that does not include them. You are able to take them into a situation from an outside bias view. I find the shorter the story and straight to the point even more helpful. You do not want to lose the purpose of why you are speaking. I always stay respectful because if someone is seeking advice or help it is because they need it. I think you do not want to create more pain for the person you are advising. You want to find the silver lining as well. No one likes a sad ending so make sure your story can shed some light to the situation. You want to consider their point of view ultimately because it is about them. This is not our time to shine, it is theirs.

You should be able to share your vulnerability with your friends without worrying about judgment. Loving someone whether your friend or partner means unapologetically accepting them. Meaning there is stories that will upset you, hurt you, make you laugh but remember on the other side that is someones experience. That is their life, before giving your opinion make sure it is a thoughtful one. What do I know though, I am just a student on her laptop hoping someone relates.

Note to Readers: No but really. Please honor yourself and who you seek advice from. Deep down inside we all posses the answers we truly want to know.