My Ex’s Always Come Back
The link you have found is dead
I recently wrote about my ex who has been internet stalking me for about 6 years now. Although he is always lurking behind his Instagram account or fake accounts, it is creepy. I removed my photo and even made my account private for the time being. I started to think that this happens way too often. Guys I used to be involved with following me so they can watch me. (Not all of them but at least the unstable ones. The ones who have caused me stress.) This often happens in different aspects of my life. People wanting to come back in my life after I dissolved the relationship or moved on. I once interviewed with a family for a nanny position. I shared that people always hire someone else over me but their new hire ends up not being a right fit. They always come back asking me if I am available and usually I am not. Now knowing rejection is protection. I always end up meeting a family that is perfect for me. I do not think I am better than anyone. There is no competition, I want to see everyone win. In that moment though I feel confident and like anyone else I want the job. Often people sleep on me but find themselves coming back to me. I do not know what it is and sometimes my ego wants to be like “everyone loves a Taurus.” One thing about me is when I know what I want there will be nothing that will stand in my way to accomplish it.
So why do my ex’s always come back to check up on me? Maybe you can relate to this too. I think when people are going through a hard time it is easy to go back to something familiar. Going back to a time you last remember feeling encouraged or even happy. Coming back to just access someones energy is selfish in my opinion. This is the exchange I am always telling my friends about. Why are you letting people have access to you that are not even on your level? It is not about being better but some people are sleeping on themselves, let them sleep. They want to access everyone energy but will not tap in to their own. They do not care about your feelings, and we only look foolish when they end up doing the same things. The same things they say they will never do again. For these boys out here in relationships checking up on me, Aaliyah said it best in If Your Girl Only Knew:
“She would probably leave you alone
She would probably curse you out and unplug her phone
I bet she’d be glad that you was gone
And then she wouldn’t have to worry”
* Can we just talk about how she says “unplug your phone.” In the 90s it was a landline you would use to call someone. Now we have cellphones so you can block that motherfucker!
Now that I think of it most of those who try to come back to me have dumped me. So why if you have made the choice to discontinue seeing me why come back? If I am so toxic and crazy why are you in my DM like what's up? BLOCKED, I do not have time for that. Be in your relationship and leave me alone. I do not want you. However, it not does stop my curiosity to understand this behavior better. So I took to the internet and my friends to do some research on this topic. I simply typed in why do exes always come back? Things like “they are bored”, “they need an ego boost”, curiosity, guilt, and many other reasons popped up on my browser. My friends had answers like:
“To see if they still have control. If you respond I feel like it gives them this power that they still can have you. No text from an ex is good.”
“Because people lack setting boundaries with others, they keep the window open hoping their ex will change or maybe for ego etc but overall it roots in the person not having strong enough boundaries to be like “leave me alone for good”
“I think they come back if they know they can manipulate you or they know that you still have feelings for them. Like if you keep a line of communication open.”
The answers on the internet I feel like did not even want to take accountability. The big answer here is BECAUSE YOU LET THEM. I have been guilty of this is in the past many times. Revisiting old relationships hoping for new shit to happen and it does not. This goes back to people having access to your energy who already showed you they did not care. They come back to see if they still “got it like that.” I will tell you, it gets under my skin. If you wanted to know if it bothers me it does. I do not do “friends” and I do not see this relationship making a come back. This is not come back season for this situation. EVER. No matter how much you want it to be for whatever reason. I am for sure not going to give any signals that say this is okay. The more I grow the more I become cautious who I choose to have encounters with. The more i even begin to realize I AM THAT BITCH. Please do not test this, because blunt Victoria will lay you out with her words. Not everyone is deserving of my time and love. The people who get it get it and the people who don't don't. I am not giving anyone the opportunity to temporarily access me. I can only be used if I let someone use me. I am someone now who has learned, I will not be burned twice.This means no “just sex”, no dating, and no more wasting my time. It is that simple. LEAVE ME ALONE. I do not know what other way to say it.
I am on the self love part of my life. This is the time where I date myself and I begin to take accountability for choices I have made. No way will I let myself be defined past choices and continue to let them follow me. I am healing from things that have gotten to me and taken up a lot of my time worrying about. I have let my exes have this space in my mind when it does not serve me. This is not the attention I want. Just because you have slept with me does not mean you have a 24 hour pass. Just because you talk to me in my DM does not me I am interested in you. Shit does not work like that here. When it comes to my exes I like them where I cannot see them, in the past.
Note to Readers: “Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” — Carrie Bradshaw
