I am Sitting in Gratitude Today

Let me be vulnerable with you

For the past 3 years I have been on a journey of finding myself. I think I almost surprise myself sometimes because I am shocked how much I have changed over time. I used to tell my friends “people don’t like me”. If we can project things we want to see in the world then we can definitely encounter people who are reflections of us. I did not like myself very much and it showed.

We come to understand ourselves best through our relationships with other people. We can only be triggered by something we have experienced ourselves. The traits we tend to dislike in others are usually the traits we do not like about ourselves. We then tend to judge and criticize these characteristics.

That is the importance of surrounding yourself with people who whole heartly love you but more importantly loving youself. I will never stop saying this. How can you care for anyone else if you do not care for yourself? Self care is the best care.

Life is really funny to me. I really believe everything is in the stars and energy. Your version of god exists everywhere around you. The love you feel for someone, the food we eat, and the beauty in nature. We are our most powerful creator, meaning each one of us posses the magic to control our enviornment. Many of us know this as manifestation. When it comes to manifestations it takes a lot of patience. This is from my own personal experience as I watch things currently unfold in my life. This is the first time I have ever be ahead of myself. I am taking better care of my body, spirit, and mind. I really shock myself with the blessings I receive. It is almost like the universes little gifts for pursuing my purpose. I am not only thankful for all my opportunities but grateful that I get to live the life I do. I will not cap myself here though.

The more that we think and act in a negative way about a goal, we cause a spiral of negative effects, which makes it harder to reach that goal. For example, if your goal is to write a novel, and your thoughts are ‘it will never happen’ and ‘there’s no point’, your actions are likely to be far less motivated, for example, by not writing as often and writing in a more contrived way.

Meanwhile, if you view your goals in a positive light, your actions become more focused and positive. You feel more dedicated to spending time on that novel, or that covering letter, or renovating the house. If you believe you can achieve your goals, the work you put in is more relaxed and natural. For example, in face to face interviews, you will feel more relaxed and your overall demeanor will be more positive

I am a sloth, I talk too fast sometimes, and sometimes you will have no idea what I mean. I spent years pouring my time and energy into things that drained me. I disliked every job I had, often had new crush every few weeks, and lots of wasted time sleeping off hangovers. I was really never fulfilled in anything I was doing. No guy ever made me happy because I was not happy. My life radiated the fact that I disliked myself a lot. I look back at photos and think to myself “why did none of you bitches tell me how big I was?” I was even called sad Sally because I was always sad about something.The slightest inconvenience would ruin my whole week. It was a regular thing for me too be sad for weeks on end for any reason I could find to punish myself.

With the help of lots of meditation, therapy, hard workouts, and discipline things have got WAY better. This pandemic has brought on many different challenges for all of us. When 2020 came I did not know what it had in store for me. I had a series of good choices but also many bad ones. Until last year after my unfortunate encounter with the narcissist I had to sit with myself for awhile. It had taken me 10 months to truly process everything that was happening to me. Everything I chose to happen to me. I made poor decision to pursue someone who was not good for me. I chose to slack off in classes and get myself on probation, and I sank into a new low depression. I think if I never met that guy though I would not have rose from the ashes like I did. Therapy helped me so much this past year and thats things really began to change. Sometimes in my head I joke with myself about thanking him for disrupting my life the way he did. If he didn’t I would not have met 3 amazing women and switched my major to Psychology instead of Child Development. These were positive choices I made because I was tired of not having the life I truly desired. I was tired of mistreating myself with bad jobs, and boys who were NOT GOOD FOR ME.

Although I am not where I want to be the universe continues to support me on this journey of renewals. Guiding me to make better choices for myself. Showing me that even though I have taken steps back, I am moving forward. I plan to move out of living with my sister this year and work towards my BA in Psychology. I am very excited for the planning, hard work, and new adventures in store for me. I could honestly not be more proud of the person I becoming. If I could talk to 18 year old me, I would have told her to try harder, and given her a hug. I spent so much time lost in not knowing who I was. I will leave this earth changing so many lives. I will be able to say I did something for myself and maybe even you.

I am truly grateful for everything that has happened in the last 4 years. I have grown so much and there is so many doors to walk through. I want to be someone great. I want to radiate pure energy and help others find their purpose. This journey is not over and it is exciting not knowing what will happen next. I recommend everyone giving themselves the opportunity to live in their true purpose. If someone has not told you today YOU CAN DO IT!

Note to Readers: It is already yours, claim it.